Couples counselling isn’t just about showing up—it’s about making the time count. Real progress, it takes preparation, intention, and follow-through. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your relationship, improve communication, or break out of unhelpful cycles, these steps will help you make the most of your sessions.
Come Prepared
Don’t just bring the latest argument to your session. Instead, take a step back and think about what you really want to work on. What patterns are coming up? What’s been weighing on you?
Journaling between sessions can be a game-changer. Track your feelings, reflect on past fights, and note any positive shifts. This helps you identify recurring issues and celebrate progress, making each session more productive.
Get Clear on Your Intentions
Before you bring up an issue—whether in therapy or in your day-to-day conversations—ask yourself:
- What’s the main thing I want my partner to understand?
- What do I want us to walk away with from this conversation?
How you say something matters just as much as what you say. If you’re coming in hot—angry, defensive, or reactive—it’s going to be harder for your partner to actually hear you. Avoid blaming language and focus on expressing your feelings with “I feel” statements. Remember, the goal is to express yourself in a way that your partner can hear, without upsetting them or pointing the finger.
Recognize When You’re Triggered
If you find yourself struggling to get your words out, shutting down, or feeling unable to listen to your partner, chances are you’re triggered. When this happens, you’re not in a place to empathize or problem-solve. Instead of pushing through a conversation that’s going nowhere, acknowledge it. Let your partner or therapist know how you’re feeling to work through it in session.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Stay open to your partner’s perspective—even if you think you already know what they’ll say. Avoid assumptions and ask questions that encourage deeper understanding. If something doesn’t make sense, seek clarification rather than shutting it down with, “That’s not what happened.”
Focus on Understanding Before Problem-Solving
It’s tempting to jump straight to solutions, but slow down. Before you try to “fix” anything, make sure your partner feels heard and understood. If you rush into problem-solving, they might feel dismissed or like their feelings don’t matter. Connection comes first—the solution can come later.
Find Common Ground
Once you both feel heard, then you can start brainstorming solutions together. The goal is to find something tangible that meets both of your needs. And sometimes, there won’t be a perfect answer—that’s okay. The real win is creating a space where you both feel safe communicating openly.
Prioritize Consistency
Therapy works best when it’s consistent. Unless discussed otherwise, plan to come every two weeks. This prevents issues from piling up and gives you time to implement what you’re learning. The more regularly you engage, the more momentum you’ll build.
Do the Homework
Between sessions, set aside time to do the work. Homework isn’t just busywork—it’s a chance to take what we talk about in therapy and put it into action. When you come back, we can discuss what helped and what roadblocks you hit, giving you valuable insight into what still needs work.
Make Your Sessions Count
Couples counselling isn’t about quick fixes—it’s about long-term change. The more effort you put in, the more you’ll get out of it. By preparing for your sessions, staying open to learning, and applying what you’ve worked on, you’ll strengthen your connection and create lasting improvements in your relationship.
Commit to the process, stay patient with each other, and celebrate the small wins along the way. Growth takes time, but every step forward brings you closer together.
